Monday, August 31, 2009

A Really Rambling Story Tonight

Tonight, I'm unable to sleep. I took 3 risperdal and that hasn't helped. My doctor said to take 2 in the morning and two at night but last night 3 helped me to sleep. Not happening tonight.

I'm listening to my iPod nano. Something that I always find soothing when I'm experiencing a manic episode. My music collection includes Sky Prayer by Alice Gomez. It's native american flute music and more. Very moving and soothing. She went to high school with me at Edison HS in San Antonio.

Alice is an amazing talented woman. I knew her back in the high school days. We were classmates in Mr. Jordan's 10th grade English class. It takes me back to think of Alice. She was a drummer and precussionist back then. Played in the marching band and stage band. And she was great! Her father had organized the Gomez family into a band also. All were gifted musicians.

Alice is now Dr. Gomez at San Antonio College as an assistant professor. I hope to go and see her live when I next visit San Antonio to see my new niece Victoria Lynn.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Family... is there a gene I didn't get?

Sometimes family can be annoying. Like when they try to tell you that you are wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Those photos, letters, stuff that your Dad left you in his garage that you cleaned out when he had a stroke and left you in charge... well they aren't yours. No they belong to the "family". What about the stuff that those family members' have, do I get to take their stuff? NO. It's a big fat smelly mess. I just wrote a two page letter to my two Aunts who are trying to bully me into giving my family history inheritance away because the letters were from my grandmother to my grandfather and vice versa. So they have more rights to them, even though most people would have tossed that stuff 50 years ago. My Dad didn't, he just put those two old trunks in the garage and they stayed there for 30 plus years. I rescued the stuff from the trash that it could have become. It's MINE! So there!!!! MINE!!!!

I didn't get any inheritance except a couple of trunks, a bit of china, some immediate family memorabilia and photos, my mom's jewelry that my sister hocked once upon a time in 1994, and that's about it. No millions no thousands no hundreds, just lots of bills in 1994. Then I paid for 5 years of many visits to the nursing home with blood, sweat and miles on my Saab. Then I paid for his cremation and burial (in the Sunset mauseleum with my mom). Then I cried alot. That was my inheritance.

My sister... nothing else needs to be said about her... She has been my Chinese obligation from my mother. Take care of your sister she said in 1987 when she was dying. Beckie was 11, I was 22... January 1983. My father became an alcholic and retired to take care of my sister. He lived on SS plus a small IRA, rent house from my grandmother and what I gave him. I bought him a house when my sister was starting high school so that she wouldn't go to high school in the barrio that our neighborhood was turning into. My Jr. High school had knife fights when I went there. My high school had security guards. I grew up in a working class neighborhood that has gone down hill, way down hill.

Is there a family gene that I didn't get? Insanity? Irrationalness? Spite? ??? LOL I'm keeping the f-ing letters, so there!